Setting Healthy Boundaries: Holiday Edition - ❤️❌🦃🎄

Matee Gooknuh
Nov 6
5 min read

Updated: Nov 7

Key Points:

The season can bring stress, comparison, and emotional overwhelm. You’re not alone if you feel torn between excitement and dread.
Boundaries = Self-Care. Saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s how you protect your peace.
Boundaries help you stay grounded and aligned with your values.
Tips to Stay Centered
- Focus on what matters most to you—not just what’s expected.
- Limit social media if it triggers comparison or stress.
- Carve out time to rest, reflect, and recharge.
- Reframe guilt: Setting limits is an act of compassion.
Support Is Always Available: If you’re struggling, reach out. You deserve care—especially from yourself.

By: Matee Gooknuh

The holiday season is often shown as a time of joy, connection, and abundance. But let’s be real—many of us find this time stressful, exhausting, and full of unrealistic expectations. Maybe you’ve promised to visit three different families in one day and end up feeling totally wiped out. Or you scroll through social media and wonder why everyone else seems so happy.

The truth is that the holiday season can be emotionally complex. While it’s often framed as a time of joy and connection, many people experience increased stress, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm. In fact, studies show that the holidays can worsen mental health. According to the American Psychological Association, nearly 38% of adults report feeling more stressed during the holiday season [1], and about 64% of people with mental health challenges say their conditions worsen at this time [4].

So if you’re feeling off—torn between excitement and dread—you’re not alone. Mixed emotions are a normal response to a season that tends to amplify everything: family dynamics, financial pressure, social obligations, and emotional highs and lows.

AND That’s precisely where boundaries come in.

Setting healthy limits helps you stay grounded. It gives you permission to protect your energy, honor your needs, and show up in ways that feel aligned with your values—not just what others expect.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re tools for self-respect and maintaining emotional well-being. Contrary to the misconception that healthy boundaries push people away, they are actually a powerful way to honor your needs and preserve your peace. Saying “no” might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself—and for your relationships. In fact, research shows that setting boundaries can increase your sense of empowerment and improve emotional regulation [2].

Boundaries can take many forms: turning down extra commitments, limiting time on social media, or carving out quiet moments to recharge. Like any skill, boundary-setting gets easier with practice.

Here are some practical, boundary-based strategies to help you stay grounded and aligned with what matters most this holiday season.

Managing Expectations- Aligning with What Matters Most

Try focusing on what matters most to you—not just what others expect. For example, if meaningful connection is your top value, maybe a low-key coffee date with a friend feels more special than a big, stressful gathering.

The Comparison Trap:

Social media during the holidays can be a minefield of comparison, guilt, and FOMO. It’s easy to scroll through curated posts and feel like you’re falling short—but those snapshots aren’t the full story.

Creating digital boundaries can help:

Mute or unfollow accounts that trigger stress
Set time limits to avoid endless scrolling
Log off when you feel overstimulated
Remind yourself: real life isn’t filtered, and your worth isn’t measured in likes

Your mental health matters more than staying “caught up.” Give yourself permission to disconnect when you need to.

Honor your Energy

The holidays can pull you in a dozen directions—so it’s essential to protect your energy. That means intentionally carving out time for rest, mindfulness, or nature to stay balanced.

If you’re working with a therapist, ask them to help you build a self-care plan that fits your needs this season. If you’re navigating it solo, try creating your own rhythm: maybe that looks like a morning walk, a journaling ritual, or a few minutes of quiet before bed.

Mindfulness apps, blogs, and online programs can offer guided reflections or worksheets to help you stay grounded—even when life gets busy. And if you’re feeling isolated, online communities and webinars are powerful reminders that you’re not alone in this.

When stress runs high, grounding techniques like deep breathing, gratitude journaling, or simply stepping outside can help you reconnect with yourself.

Your energy is sacred—honor it.

Overcoming Guilt

It’s not uncommon to feel guilty when you start setting boundaries—especially if you’re used to putting others first. That guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It just means you’re doing something new.

Cognitive-behavioral strategies can help you reframe saying “no” as an act of self-care—one that actually creates more authentic, sustainable connections. Practicing empathic communication—acknowledging others’ feelings while still honoring your own limits—can reduce guilt and build mutual respect over time [3].

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about showing up in ways that are honest, kind, and emotionally sustainable—for you and the people you care about.

Seeking Support During the Holidays

If you ever find yourself struggling, remember, you’re not alone—so many people are feeling the same way. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Here are a few places you can turn to if you need someone to talk to, especially during the holidays:

- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

- SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

- Local therapists and telehealth providers

- Online support groups (like Mental Health America or NAMI)

Even if it feels tough, connecting with a professional or a supportive community can make a huge difference. Sometimes, just having someone listen to you is the most important gift you can give yourself.

Final Reminder: Take What You Need, Leave the Rest

Having expectations about the holidays and establishing positive boundaries isn’t avoidance—it’s self-care and staying true to yourself. No one gets through this season perfectly, and that’s okay. The holidays can be challenging, but with a little self-compassion, some clear boundaries, and the right support, you can protect your well-being and focus on what matters most to you. Remember, it’s totally okay to put yourself first—especially during a busy season.

No matter how things unfold, you deserve care and compassion—from others and from yourself. Take what you need and leave the rest.

References

[1] American Psychological Association. (2023). Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stressOpens a new window

[2] Davis, J. A., Ohan, J. L., Gibson, L. Y., Prescott, S. L., & Finlay-Jones, A. L. (2022). Understanding engagement in digital mental health and well-being programs for women in the perinatal period: Systematic review without meta-analysis. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 24(8), e36620.

[3] Mueser, K. T., Achtyes, E. D., Gogate, J., Mancevski, B., Kim, E., & Starr, H. L. (2022). Telehealth-based psychoeducation for caregivers: The family intervention in recent-onset schizophrenia treatment study. JMIR Mental Health, 9(4), e32492.

[4] NAMI. (2023). Holiday stress and mental health. National Alliance on Mental Illness. https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Individuals-with-Mental-Illness/Holiday-Stress-and-Mental-HealthOpens a new window