You Know What to Do—So Why Is It So Hard to Do It? 💭🔍🎯
- charleescott
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
Key Takeaways:
Knowing what to do isn't always enough—confidence helps turn knowledge into action.
Self-care isn't just about feeling good. It's about building the ability to care for yourself when life gets hard.
Motivation comes and goes, but self-confidence can help you keep moving forward.
Confidence grows through practice, not perfection.
Every time you use a coping skill, you're showing yourself that you can handle difficult moments.
Reflecting on what you noticed, learned, and tried helps you recognize progress that might otherwise go unseen.
Growth happens between therapy sessions, when you practice new skills in everyday life.
Looking back on your progress reminds you how far you've come and helps you prepare for what's next.
Healing isn't about never struggling again. It's about trusting yourself to keep showing up, one small step at a time.
Most people come to therapy for a deeper understanding of themselves, new coping skills, and a renewed sense of hope. Yet when life becomes stressful again, it's surprisingly common to feel like all of that progress has disappeared.
Studies indicate that 30-50% of adults show meaningful change during therapy sessions, yet are unable to utilize the same skills in their day-to-day lives [1].
This doesn’t necessarily mean they or their therapist is failing. More often, it reflects a gap between knowing what to do and feeling confident enough to do it when it matters most. Most people understand that a journaling practice would improve self-awareness, that setting healthier boundaries would improve their relationships, or that meditation would decrease their anxiety.
What often separates knowing from doing isn't motivation. It's confidence.
Self-Care Isn't About Doing More—It's About Building Trust in Yourself
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, vacations, and 4 am morning routines. Genuine self-care is about increasing our ability to care for ourselves in the moments we are most likely not to. The challenges that arise between therapy sessions are opportunities to apply the skills and awareness gained in session [2]. Taking stock of the moments in which these skills are successfully applied is vital for building self-trust, which is at the heart of self-efficacy.
Self-efficacy is your belief that you can handle difficult situations—not because they'll be easy, but because you trust yourself to respond [3]. This belief is the foundation for motivation, well-being, and personal accomplishment. It determines how much effort a person is willing to put in and for how long.
When you practice therapeutic skills, like self-reflection, meditation, and exercise, you’re not just improving your coping methods. You are consistently proving to yourself that you have what it takes to be successful [3].
Why Motivation Isn't Enough
Even when you really want to achieve something (high motivation), if you doubt your ability to achieve it (low self-efficacy), you might hesitate to start or give up quickly when things become difficult [3]. This is why motivation alone often isn't enough to create lasting change.
While motivation waxes and wanes with life's challenges and our finite energy levels, confidence in our own abilities provides a more consistent source of recovery after setbacks.
People are most likely to act when they believe their actions will matter.
Therapy isn't just about learning new coping skills. It's about having opportunities to use those skills in real life, so you begin to trust that you can handle difficult situations on your own [2]. The experience of mastering a new skill, whether it's watercoloring, yoga, or woodworking, reinforces self-belief and creates a positive cycle of growing confidence [3].
Over time, each small success becomes another piece of evidence that you are capable of handling challenges, making it easier to apply those skills the next time life feels overwhelming.
How Therapy Actually Builds Self-Efficacy
Confidence isn't something you have before you act; it's something you build by acting. This is one of the reasons therapy extends beyond the 50-minute session. While insight is important, change happens when those insights are tested, practiced, and reflected on in everyday life.
Every time you try a coping skill, pause before reacting, set a boundary, or respond differently than you would have in the past, you're gathering evidence that you're capable.
Reflecting on sessions throughout the week helps transform experiences into learning by making it easier to recognize strengths and notice progress that might otherwise go unseen. This is why many therapists use between-session reflections or strengths-based homework.
Rather than focusing on completing assignments perfectly, these practices help people recognize the skills they are already using and integrate them into daily life [2, 3]. Tracking progress is another important piece of the process. Growth often happens gradually, making it easy to overlook how far you've come.
Looking back at previous reflections can reveal patterns that aren't obvious in the moment.
Our tool was designed with these ideas in mind. Instead of asking whether you completed your homework perfectly, it invites you to notice what happened between sessions:
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These simple questions encourage reflection, celebrate small successes, and help transform everyday experiences into evidence of your own capability. Over time, those small pieces of evidence begin to close the gap between knowing what to do and trusting yourself to do it when life becomes challenging. And that kind of self-trust may be one of the deepest forms of self-care there is.
Every small step you take, every skill you practice, and every moment you pause to reflect adds to that evidence. The next time you find yourself thinking, "I know what I should do, but I just can't seem to do it," remember that the missing piece may not be more information or more motivation. It may simply be a need for more evidence that you can trust yourself.
Healing isn't about getting everything right the first time; it's about building the confidence to keep showing up, even when life is difficult. Over time, that confidence becomes more than a therapy goal. It becomes a way of caring for yourself that lasts long after the session ends.
References
[1] McMahon, K., Compton, S. N., Neacsiu, A. D., Herr, N. R., LaBar, K. S., Kelley, L., Howard, M., & Rosenthal, M. Z. (2026). Generalization of emotion regulation using conditioned reminders on mobile phones. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 196, 104924. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2025.104924
[2] Hyde, J., Torres, M., Turner, W., & Cooper, L. (2023). Integrated motivational interviewing and cognitive behavioral therapy (ICBT) for adults: A practitioners’ guide. JBS International, Inc.
[3] Lopez-Garrido, G. (2025, May 1). Self-efficacy: Bandura's theory of motivation in psychology. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/self-efficacy.html